Posts tagged sexual assualt
pros & cons of porn

I'm gonna go ahead and say we live in a world where it is freaking impossible to avoid pornography.  When I was a wee little youngster, my curiosity made it tough to avoid (what was on those magazines covered with black plastic at 7-Eleven?  What was behind the curtain in that secret room at the video store?), but the internet was still nonexistent.  The most hardcore pornography I was exposed to before my teenage years was a few dirty mags one of my grade school friends snuck away from her dad that we peered at in complete disgust during our bus ride to school (I was SO CONFUSED about why girls were putting PENISES in their mouths like lollipops!  If you attended last week's Hump Day Q&A, you know that this traumatized me for YEARS), when my bestie and I would mute late night Cinemax and choke back giggles during sleepovers, and when I snuck snippets of "Dirty Dancing" and "Waiting to Exhale" that were hidden in my mom's dresser when I was home alone (yup, Patrick Swayze's sexual hips were apparently too hot for my young eyes).  

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what lesbians can teach straight people about sex

I was recently chatting with a group of girlfriends, when one of them said something that really got my gears turning.  I don't even remember what exactly it was we were discussing, but amid the conversation she mentioned that her and her girlfriend, "have sex every day" and continued on.  The other girls continued to talk, but I had checked out of their conversation and checked in to my own thoughts (a little secret about me, my brain can only handle small chunks of information, so once it started down a path of contemplation, it was impossible to continue to absorb anything else).  

Not because of the every day frequency of their sex.

But because she called what they did "SEX"

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"no" doesn't always mean no

Given the current culture around sexual assault awareness, I already know I'm going to get a barrage of slack for this, so please at least hear me out.

You guys, sexual violence work is hard.  HARD.  Emotionally draining.  Painful.  Confusing and incredibly frustrating.  Individuals and organizations that are brave and strong enough to do that work are absolutely incredible and have all of my respect.  I can't do it.  Admittedly. It's too hard for me.  I have always admired those that can.  Some of them are not only my dearest friends, but my most admired colleagues.  This post is not AT ALL intended to invalidate or diminish the tremendous progress they make every single day at making this world safer for all of us to live in.

However, I think that some of the work that WE do as preventionists and sexual health advocates may be unintentionally harming folks individually and our society on a larger scale.

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