Posts tagged sex positive
my fave sex toys for masturbation

As Masturbation Month (also known as "MAY" to the common folk) winds down, I decided that one of the most appropriate ways to close it out was to give my beloved readers some personal recommendations on how to enhance their solo sex routines, that will hopefully tide them over for the 11 more boring months of the year.  

OK, I'm being highly facetious.  Every day is a great day to masturbate!  And there's plenty of other sexy reasons to enjoy no-May months.  I'm just going to be sad when it's no longer on the forefront of our mind.  Because YAY WHACKING OFF!

For those of you who might be wondering, May was first declared as "National Masturbation Month" by sex-positive (and wildly badass) sexual pleasure retailer Good Vibrations in 1995.  The declaration was a result of then Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders being forced to resign after advocating that masturbation be taught a component of healthy sexuality.  

From a solely public health perspective (which was, you know - her job), masturbation provides multiple health benefits, without the vast majority of negative health risks associated with partnered sex (STI transmission and unintended pregnancy, just to name a couple). 

So Good Vibrations - and lots of other rational, sex-positive folks - decided that one way to reduce the shame and stigma associated with masturbation - which has demonstrated zero scientific evidence of being harmful - was to amplify the conversation around self pleasure.   

BE PROUD TO DIDDLE YOURSELF, MY FRIENDS! 

Using toys for masturbation is by no means a necessity for most able-bodied people!  Hands and fingers (and maybe even the occasional detachable shower head, particularly vibrate-y washing machine, or conveniently-shaped arm of your couch) can do really incredible things to our genitals.  And shit, some of us have even learned how to breathe our way to orgasm!

But, toys can always provide a little variety.  An option to try something new or different.  Explore NEW ways to get yourself off that you might not have tried before.  And hey!  Those new ways might blow your previous ways out of the water. 

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how better sex can improve your quality of life

This infamous and wise Marvin Gaye one said (slash crooned):

"And when I get that feeling, I want sexual healing.
Sexual healing, aw baby!  Makes me feel so fine, helps to relieve my mind.
Sexual healing baby, is good. for. me.  Sexual healing is something that's good for me."

And y'all, he was SPOT on!

There are so many documented, scientifically-researched and proven ways that having a rich, active, truly fulfilling sex life can positively impact physical, mental, emotional and social wellbeing.  Scroll through this handy dandy infographic for a peek at just SOME of the benefits of a satisfying sex life!

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3 sex mistakes you're probably making

I don't expect you to be a perfect lover.

Shit, I don't even expect myself to be a perfect lover (and sure hope the boo doesn't, either!).  

I actually believe that sex, in general, should be full of beautiful, marvelous, authentic imperfections.  Giggles and queefs and fumbles and memorable blunders.  Adorable clumsiness and genuine confusion.  Body fluids.  Accidents.  Unexpectedness.  

There are, however, a few general mistakes I see SO MANY people making that get in the way of truly incredible sex.  Mistakes that I'm not even the slightest bit surprised about - given how little we talk about sex, and how much misinformation exists out there.  

(and don't worry, I won't just tell you the mistake, I'll tell ya how to fix it, as well!)

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what no one tells you about sex & love

If your upbringing was anything like mine, you didn't overtly learn much about sex and relationships while growing up.  You probably learned how to solve algebra equations, the conflicts that led up to World War II, and maybe acquired practical skills like how to sew a button or dice an onion.  While you may have gotten some biological background related to sexuality - such as an overview of reproductive anatomy and processes.  Maybe, just maybe, you had some sort of formal education related to sexual health and safety.  

More than likely, however, what you learned about sex and relationships came from more informal means.  You probably learned how to demonstrate love and manage conflicts (in either healthy or unhealthy ways... or somewhere in between) from watching relationship dynamics around you - your parents, family members, friends, or in the media.  I can almost guarantee that you received zero direct education from either school or caretakers about how to be a good lover.  How to provide sexual pleasure to someone else.  How to provide pleasure to yourself.  

While I would describe my own upbringing as fairly liberal, the only education I remember pointedly receiving prior to adulthood was about puberty and a very (VERY) strong message about avoiding pregnancy.  Coming from a single-parent household, it was instilled in me from a young age that I never needed to depend on anyone else, and that education and a career was more important than a romantic partnership.  I subconsciously watched those around me navigate relationships - for better or worse.  Sometimes I was able to process those things with a caretaker, sometimes I didn't.  

When I became a full-fledged adult (BARF) and started studying communication in college and later sexuality and relationship dynamics, I was finally able to connect scholarship, research and theory to real-life experiences.  

This may sound totally obvious, but ACTIVELY LEARNING ABOUT SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS (through reading, activities, self-reflection, practice, etc.) completely changed the way in which I engage in sex and relationships.  

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