Posts tagged compromise
lemme teach you how to speak the language of LOVE

Y'all, in case you aren't aware, I consider myself to be #wifeygoals.

And this may come as a surprise, but tbh I used to (ok, maybe still do, a little bit) aspire to be a housewife.  Yes, yes, I've been a graduate student for like one million trillion years, which may sound silly for someone who ultimately wanted that MRS degree.  Because, like, contingency plans, my peoples!  

But seriously, I can't tell you the joy I get from like, grocery shopping.  Or doing dishes!  I like, LOVE chores, and would do them all day long if I had the time.  I'm that weirdo who'd love to organize kitchen pantry, whip up homemade muffins on the reg, and essentially keep my casa Pinterest-worthy at all times.

Basically, I'm domestical as fuck.

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low sex drive? don't fret! you're not broken.

Out of all the sexual conundrums people talk to me about, desire (or "sex drive" or libido) is most definitely brought up the most often.

Here's the basis of what I most often hear, although clearly the details and context change for different folks:

Person A has a higher sex drive than Person B.  Person A will often initiate sexytime, but Person B will not be in the mood.  Person B has two options - either begrudgingly acquiesce to the sexytime and risk feeling resentful toward their partner in the future, or deny Person A the sex and feel guilty about not being able to meet their needs.  

It feels like there's no right answer.

For either partner.

For the person with the higher sex drive, if they are denied sexytime, they may experience feelings of frustration, inadequacy, rejection, low self-esteem, etc.  If they are, um, provided? sexytime, they might feel guilty knowing their lover wasn't super duper stoked and excited to be doing the sexy things.  

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the elusive "say yes to sex" window of opportunity

Let me describe a typical night for the boo and I to you....

Around 10pm or so, a mammoth brick of fatigue slams me over the head, and my entire body no longer comprehends adult-level functioning.  I don't know about all of you, but once I get tired, I must IMMEDIATELY go to bed.  Immediately.  Done.  Otherwise, anyone in my presence is subject to intolerable crankiness, flowing tears of irrational frustration, and merciless ridicule.  My sleepiness levels go from 0 to 60 in about 4.56 seconds flat, and prayers go out to anyone separating me from my down-engrossed cloud of slumber (aka my bed).

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"no" doesn't always mean no

Given the current culture around sexual assault awareness, I already know I'm going to get a barrage of slack for this, so please at least hear me out.

You guys, sexual violence work is hard.  HARD.  Emotionally draining.  Painful.  Confusing and incredibly frustrating.  Individuals and organizations that are brave and strong enough to do that work are absolutely incredible and have all of my respect.  I can't do it.  Admittedly. It's too hard for me.  I have always admired those that can.  Some of them are not only my dearest friends, but my most admired colleagues.  This post is not AT ALL intended to invalidate or diminish the tremendous progress they make every single day at making this world safer for all of us to live in.

However, I think that some of the work that WE do as preventionists and sexual health advocates may be unintentionally harming folks individually and our society on a larger scale.

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