Posts tagged communication
I wanna talk about your BIGGEST sex organ...

Often when we think about sexual touch, our minds beeline straight for the genitals.

We think about hand jobs and finger-fucking, rubbing clits and juggling balls, maybe even tickling taints or sticking a sweet little lubed up finger inside of a juicy butthole.  

But, my friends, when we limit our sexual touch to just our naughty bits (duh, I say that felicitously - our genitals are NOT naughty.... unless you want them to be 😉), we are missing out on a whole 'nother range of pleasurable feels!

In fact, our BIGGEST sexual organ is actually our skin!  

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Poems Can Blossom Truth Within Our Hearts

Good morning, good morning.

Outside, it’s traffic and crickets. I’m waiting to hear whether the owl will be back this morning - she was here on Friday, and instead of writing a post I got distracted by her. 

Well, by her and some old morning writes. I went looking for what I was saying here--to myself, to you--five years ago, or seven. That’s one thing about regular journaling--getting to look back, see what you were saying before, what you felt like before, what you’re struggling with that’s the same  and what is new — you get to see how far you’ve come. 

In my case, I got to look back on a relationship that felt unfixable at the time I was writing, one that felt like kudzu or like I was in the ocean at a rising tide stuck in seaweed. I spent so many years trying to communicate with someone who literally could not understand the things I was saying — and, let’s be honest, in the converse, I also couldn’t, it seems, understand the things he was saying. I could never quite understand what he wanted. And I kept trying, kept getting smaller, tightening myself up until I was knotted into a ball at the bottom of a bookbag, just a sticky thing with dust and hair and old gum wrappers stuck all over me. 

And then I got the idea that maybe , that maybe, I didn’t have to stay there. Maybe my job wasn’t to stay in this relationship until the end of my (or his) life. Maybe I didn’t have to walk a hundred miles on my knees, repenting. I only had to let the soft animal of my body love what it loved. And then poetry started to sneak in to the sides and corners and crevices of my skin, my psyche, touched the parched places inside me, the places that told me I had to stay, I had to keep working, I had to keep trying to be the right thing for this person. 

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lemme teach you how to speak the language of LOVE

Y'all, in case you aren't aware, I consider myself to be #wifeygoals.

And this may come as a surprise, but tbh I used to (ok, maybe still do, a little bit) aspire to be a housewife.  Yes, yes, I've been a graduate student for like one million trillion years, which may sound silly for someone who ultimately wanted that MRS degree.  Because, like, contingency plans, my peoples!  

But seriously, I can't tell you the joy I get from like, grocery shopping.  Or doing dishes!  I like, LOVE chores, and would do them all day long if I had the time.  I'm that weirdo who'd love to organize kitchen pantry, whip up homemade muffins on the reg, and essentially keep my casa Pinterest-worthy at all times.

Basically, I'm domestical as fuck.

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manifesting pleasure in 2018

I (kind of shamefully) remember last year being the first time I realized that most New Year's Resolutions were largely absent of any sex or relationship goals.

When we think of the stereotypical New Year's Resolutions - weight loss, saving money, exercising more, maybe getting out of debt or resolving to focus more on one's health - we don't tend to immediately think of, "having more orgasms" or "prioritizing my romantic relationship" as worthwhile resolutions.

Hopefully, I'm going to change that.

And I get it, some people aren't into the whole "resolution thing" anyways... and I totes understand.  After all, research shows (btw, this admittedly isn't the gold-standard, double-blind, latitudinal, validated and generalizable type of studies I typically rely on, but it's something!) that only about 12 or so % of resolutions are kept throughout the year.  Not super promising!  Does that mean resolutions are a waste of time? 

I still don't think so.

Regardless of the "data," boiled down, resolutions create a sense of hopefulness!  They give us an idea of what in our world can change in order to increase our quality of life.  I'm down with that!  So even if you're pessimistic about resolutions, or haven't had much success keeping them in the past, I'm going to encourage you to give it another go.

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low sex drive? don't fret! you're not broken.

Out of all the sexual conundrums people talk to me about, desire (or "sex drive" or libido) is most definitely brought up the most often.

Here's the basis of what I most often hear, although clearly the details and context change for different folks:

Person A has a higher sex drive than Person B.  Person A will often initiate sexytime, but Person B will not be in the mood.  Person B has two options - either begrudgingly acquiesce to the sexytime and risk feeling resentful toward their partner in the future, or deny Person A the sex and feel guilty about not being able to meet their needs.  

It feels like there's no right answer.

For either partner.

For the person with the higher sex drive, if they are denied sexytime, they may experience feelings of frustration, inadequacy, rejection, low self-esteem, etc.  If they are, um, provided? sexytime, they might feel guilty knowing their lover wasn't super duper stoked and excited to be doing the sexy things.  

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