quick guide: sexual self-confidence

you wish I was your pound cake, boy you know i look good as fuck

Let's focus on sex that makes us feel confident.  Like a badass rockstar.  Sex that brings out our inner sex god/goddess.  The kind of sex that makes us feel like we could be starring in our very own sexy movie, cameras on, in the spotlight, everyone watching, oozing with confidence and sex appeal.  

(I've got this mean Beyonce-esque hair flip that I pull out every now and then during doggystyle - I'd bet millions my lover doesn't notice, but it makes me feel like I could rule the sex world)

How can this improve our sex life?

  1. Because we are more likely to want to engage in activities that we are good at.  Right?  A not-so-secret secret about me: I am accident prone AF.  I am always hesitant when someone asks me to participate is something that requires grace, balance, or any sort of athletic capability for that matter.  Frisbee golf?  Fuck you.  I'll opt for a cocktail instead.  (THAT, I'm good at! 🍹)
  2. In a recent Facebook Live, I spoke a bit about our sexual "brake and accelerator."  Sometimes, our fear or anxiety about not being able to perform sexually can pump that brake, decreasing our potential for sexual arousal and pleasure.  Don't worry about that when you're focused on building your sexual self-confidence.  Take that pressure OFF of your brake, at least for now.
  3. Those who succeed are more likely to take future risks.  When building our sexual self-confidence, I  want us to revel in our successes. REVEL.  That means, don't just lay it down in the bedroom (or in the bathtub, kitchen, your car, etc.), take some time to really feel yourself afterward.  Bask in the glory of your accomplishments, I give you permission.  This confidence boost will make you more comfortable doing something a little risky in the future.

Some tips to help you build your sexual self confidence: 

  • MIRRORS!  Work it like Tyra.  Appreciate how good you look when you're doing your thang.  
  • Think about all the things that help you feel confident in the moment and really set the stage.  Does a fresh bikini wax make you feel more sexy?  Good undies?  Certain lighting?  Mood music?  (shoutout to the D'Angelo Pandora station!) A glass or two of wine?  Wearing your clip-in hair extensions so that flip is extra dramatic?  (what?  just me?)  Whatever does it for you, DO THOSE THINGS!  
  • Be intentional about appreciating the sexcapades after they're over.  Immediately after, later that day or even later in the week.  If you were sexing with a partner, bring it up to them - "baaaaaaaabe.  remember that hot as fuck sex we had Tuesday night?"  Shoot, maybe even take some remembrance pics or vids to go back to it (but please only take and share if you have consent from all involved).  Each time your mind goes back to the moment, your confidence will continue to increase.
colby zongol

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Colby Marie Z4 Comments