beginner's guide: lube

baby rub it down and make it smooth like lotion

I'm not shy about it - I am a lube fanatic.  It makes me so sad to think that the majority of sexually active (and note, by sexually active I do NOT mean only people that are having penis-in-vagina sex, because sex is WAY more than that) folks have never purchased or even picked up a bottle of this magical substance.  

Here's why it's magical: not only can it make painful or uncomfortable sexual behaviors more pleasurable, but it can also make ALREADY PLEASURABLE experiences even MORE pleasurable! Aaaaaaaaand, (that's right, I'm not done yet), using lube can also make sex SAFER by reducing risk of some of those icky, less-desirable outcomes of sex like STDs and other infections.  

That's why I originally fell in love with lube - it was able to increase the good feels, and decrease the bad feels - SIMULTANEOUSLY!

Let me explain... lube reduces friction.  It makes sexytimes more slippery and smooth.  Ever get an Indian burn when you were a kid?  The reason it hurt so much was because of the friction, the tight rubbing and skidding between the jerkbag who was burning you'd hand and your poor, delicate arm.  

Similar sensations can happed during sex!  For example, vaginal or anal penetration with toys, fingers, penises, or manual stimulation of genitals like a hand job (few things are worse than a dry handie!) or fingering.  Adding some lube - and you don't often need much - reduces the friction and makes those activities less unpleasant.  

Reducing friction also helps prevent disease transmission and risk of infection.  If you're using a barrier method to prevent STDs or pregnancy (aka condoms), reducing friction can maximize the efficacy of those barriers.  The number one reason why condoms fail is because they break, and they break from friction.  The more you can reduce that friction, the better the protection!

And let's be real... if you're going to go through the effort to use a condom, it might as well work, right?

sex lube

Further, less friction also means less risk for what are called "microtears" in the skin, which can occur in sensitive areas of the body like the vagina or the anus. These tiny tears in the skin can not only feel unpleasant (PLEASE tell me there's someone else who has experienced the tiniest little cut in their pussy lips that was SO EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL everytime you peed!!!), but can also increase risk of infection.  

Many STDs are transmitted through fluids (like semen, vaginal secretions and blood), and these microtears provide an opening for viruses and bacteria to enter into the bloodstream.  EEK!  

Alright, so now that I've convinced you that you need lube in your life - you're welcome in advance, btw - what do you need to know in order to get your soon-to-be-slippery hands on some?  There are about a million different lube options available, and I promise to go into more detail in a more comprehensive blog post.  But, for the sake of not being super long-winded (who?  me?!), I'm just gonna hit you with the basics.  

1. Decide what you want to use the lube for

There is such a wide variety of lube because they are made for different things, and it's important to know which type of lube is appropriate and safe for what activity.  Do you want to use lube for penetrative sex?  If so, what body part is going to be penetrated?  More massage and rubbing foreplay?  With toys?  Are you using condoms?  

2. Get the right type of lube

There are three MAIN types of lube: water-based, oil-based, and silicone-based.  Water-based lube is a good all-around go to, and can work well for just about any sexual activity.  It's safe to use with condoms and toys, typically won't stain clothes or sheets and is water soluble (aka it washes away with water, or will essentially rub into your skin with use) - which means you may need to reapply.  Oil-based lube is often "household products" that people TRY to use for sex lube: baby oil, vaseline, coconut oil, olive oil, etc.  I will caution against many of these because they are NOT all safe for your body (coconut oil gets a pass here).  Oil-based lube is not, I repeat - NOT safe for use with condoms, and will erode the latex increasing the risk of breakage.  Yikes!  Silicone-based lube is the most slippery, and is not water-soluble which means you will not need to reapply as often, but it also might stain sheets and clothing if not used carefully.  Silicone-based lube is recommended for anal sex (where the skin is super delicate and the anus doesn't self-lubricate) or for any sort of water sex as the slippery-ness will not dissipate in the H2O.  If you're using toys, be careful with silicone-based lube!  It could damage toys made of silicone!  

3. Don't put harmful things in your pussy.  Or anus.  Or mouth.  Anywhere INSIDE you!

READ INGREDIENT LABELS ON YOUR LUBE!  Steer clear of non-body-safe ingredients if you are planning on putting the lube anywhere inside of you.  They could be toxic or make you more prone to infection.  Glycerin, for example, is an ingredient I would recommend you shy away from.  (Pro tip: cheaper sex lubes found in the drug store are more likely to have these harmful ingredients.  Treat yo'self to a high-quality safe lube - you deserve it!)  Also, don't put anything with sugar (which some flavored lubes have) in your vagina.  Steer clear of yeast infections, my friends!    


I deplore lubes that are sticky.  They are legit the bane of my existence.  I prefer a satin-y feel to my lube, don't enjoy thicker gel-like lubes (although that's a personal preference - you do you, boo boo!), and sometimes get frustrated when I have to reapply super frequently.  I'm a crunchy motherfucker as well, so am very cognizant of the number and quality of ingredients in my lube.  But, I'm also a broke bitch so need to be mindful of the price tag.  I do have several go-to lubes in my nightstand that rotate based on what they're being used for (for example, I love incorporating a flavored lube in my blowjob, but usually apply it to my boobs, then rub them around the penis which gets the lube on it as well, so it canNOT be sticky because then I will be guaranteed to be distracted by my sticky chesticles during the beej and that will just not do; but that lube is different than the hybrid one I use during penis-in-vagina sex or the water-based one I use when I bust out my favorite vibe).  

Sliquid Intimate Lubricants

You likely know by now that Sliquid is my go-to brand of sex lube, and I highly recommend their products because they use high-quality ingredients, are reasonably prices, and most of all - they get the job DONE (aka non-irritating, not sticky, long-lasting).  

(PS - if you want to buy anything from them, use the code "SEXLOVEANDALLTHEFEELS" at checkout for 10% off.  WOO!)

Who else is a lube-lover?  Who has never tried and is excited to give it a whirl?!  I promise, it'll change your sex life for the better.  Let me know what other lube q's you have, and I'll write a more detailed lube post soon!  

colby zongol

want more lube love?  [ways to use it, different types, what exactly to look for on the ingredients list?]  enter your email below and I'll send you more info!

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