manifesting pleasure in 2018

I (kind of shamefully) remember last year being the first time I realized that most New Year's Resolutions were largely absent of any sex or relationship goals.

When we think of the stereotypical New Year's Resolutions - weight loss, saving money, exercising more, maybe getting out of debt or resolving to focus more on one's health - we don't tend to immediately think of, "having more orgasms" or "prioritizing my romantic relationship" as worthwhile resolutions.

Hopefully, I'm going to change that.

And I get it, some people aren't into the whole "resolution thing" anyways... and I totes understand.  After all, research shows (btw, this admittedly isn't the gold-standard, double-blind, latitudinal, validated and generalizable type of studies I typically rely on, but it's something!) that only about 12 or so % of resolutions are kept throughout the year.  Not super promising!  Does that mean resolutions are a waste of time? 

I still don't think so.

Regardless of the "data," boiled down, resolutions create a sense of hopefulness!  They give us an idea of what in our world can change in order to increase our quality of life.  I'm down with that!  So even if you're pessimistic about resolutions, or haven't had much success keeping them in the past, I'm going to encourage you to give it another go.

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fertility, pregnancy, conception...oh my!

I'm at the age where pregnancy is starting to feel borderline contagious... several of my favorite "inner circle" ladies are popping out adorable little nuggets of joy, baby showers are a typical weekend activity, and "Auntie Colby" has become one of my identities.  

Someone is always pregnant, LOL!

And with that, I feel like I am often surrounded by "pregnancy talk" -- gender reveals, fertility tracking apps, ovulation, due dates, and birthing plans are all hot topics of conversation in my world.  

For the most part, it's a happy time for my homies.  Joyful conversations full of hope and excitement.  

Less talked about, however -- although also incredibly present -- are friends (and friends of friends) who have or are currently struggling with what I like to call FERTILITY FRUSTRATION... difficulty conceiving, miscarriage, ovulation obsession, etc.  

 

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low sex drive? don't fret! you're not broken.

Out of all the sexual conundrums people talk to me about, desire (or "sex drive" or libido) is most definitely brought up the most often.

Here's the basis of what I most often hear, although clearly the details and context change for different folks:

Person A has a higher sex drive than Person B.  Person A will often initiate sexytime, but Person B will not be in the mood.  Person B has two options - either begrudgingly acquiesce to the sexytime and risk feeling resentful toward their partner in the future, or deny Person A the sex and feel guilty about not being able to meet their needs.  

It feels like there's no right answer.

For either partner.

For the person with the higher sex drive, if they are denied sexytime, they may experience feelings of frustration, inadequacy, rejection, low self-esteem, etc.  If they are, um, provided? sexytime, they might feel guilty knowing their lover wasn't super duper stoked and excited to be doing the sexy things.  

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my 9 minute relationship hack

Want to start your day off feeling loved, cozy, and close to your boo?

Try my snuggle snooze trick!

Yes, yes, I know it's not necessarily recommended to hit the snooze button first thing in the morning when you want to feel alert and rejuvenated in the A.M.  But I've been practicing this relatively simple, not wildly time consuming routine for some time now, and honestly feel a difference in the way my day begins.

And y'all, I am NOT a morning person.  I've definitely gotten better at it, but it's taken practice.  And dedication.  And really being aware of tips and tactics that help -- like this one.

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rub my back, not my clit

I was recently driving back from a bachelorette weekend away with some of my fave bitties.  Apparently we had officially reached "adult life" because we had already woken up, packed our shit, chugged some Pedialyte (you're welcome for the hangover-saving tip!  I also just realized that I am def not an adult if I'm drinking a baby bev to avoid hangovers post binge drinking), and were on the road.  

While we were feeling quite surprisingly alive since we had responsibly hydrated and politely declined 1am tequila shots, I will speak for myself in that I felt rather grubby and sleepy.  After spending a sweaty night in a sticky-floored bar, scream singing to 90s alternative jams (that none of the other kiddos in the bar knew the words to... insert eye roll here), I needed at least a shower, but ideally a long tub soak, bath bomb, and clay face mask.

And then to slide into a clean warm bed for an afternoon nap.  Nah mean?

I unintentionally and begrudgingly said out loud, "ugh, the boo is gonna wanna have sex when I get home."

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