rub my back, not my clit

I was recently driving back from a bachelorette weekend away with some of my fave bitties.  Apparently we had officially reached "adult life" because we had already woken up, packed our shit, chugged some Pedialyte (you're welcome for the hangover-saving tip!  I also just realized that I am def not an adult if I'm drinking a baby bev to avoid hangovers post binge drinking), and were on the road.  

While we were feeling quite surprisingly alive since we had responsibly hydrated and politely declined 1am tequila shots, I will speak for myself in that I felt rather grubby and sleepy.  After spending a sweaty night in a sticky-floored bar, scream singing to 90s alternative jams (that none of the other kiddos in the bar knew the words to... insert eye roll here), I needed at least a shower, but ideally a long tub soak, bath bomb, and clay face mask.

And then to slide into a clean warm bed for an afternoon nap.  Nah mean?

I unintentionally and begrudgingly said out loud, "ugh, the boo is gonna wanna have sex when I get home."

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the best way to introduce sex toys into your relationship

A question I frequently get from folks wanting to spice up their sexual repertoire is how they can (lovingly, compassionately, sensitively) introduce toys into their partnered sex.  There is often anxiety and fear that suggesting the use of toys - vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, restraints, etc. - will make their partner feel insufficient.  That the sex without toys wasn't good enough.  That the toys are necessary for sexual satisfaction.  

Let me be clear about a few things before I continue with some advisory strategies for introducing toys into your sexytime.  

  1. Sex toys canNOT replicate closeness, intimacy, connection, conversation, eye contact, passion, etc.  

  2. Sex toys CAN do things our body parts just can't.  Period. 

  3. Sex toy assisted pleasure and orgasm are no less legitimate than those that aren't.

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my fave sex toys for masturbation

As Masturbation Month (also known as "MAY" to the common folk) winds down, I decided that one of the most appropriate ways to close it out was to give my beloved readers some personal recommendations on how to enhance their solo sex routines, that will hopefully tide them over for the 11 more boring months of the year.  

OK, I'm being highly facetious.  Every day is a great day to masturbate!  And there's plenty of other sexy reasons to enjoy no-May months.  I'm just going to be sad when it's no longer on the forefront of our mind.  Because YAY WHACKING OFF!

For those of you who might be wondering, May was first declared as "National Masturbation Month" by sex-positive (and wildly badass) sexual pleasure retailer Good Vibrations in 1995.  The declaration was a result of then Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders being forced to resign after advocating that masturbation be taught a component of healthy sexuality.  

From a solely public health perspective (which was, you know - her job), masturbation provides multiple health benefits, without the vast majority of negative health risks associated with partnered sex (STI transmission and unintended pregnancy, just to name a couple). 

So Good Vibrations - and lots of other rational, sex-positive folks - decided that one way to reduce the shame and stigma associated with masturbation - which has demonstrated zero scientific evidence of being harmful - was to amplify the conversation around self pleasure.   


Using toys for masturbation is by no means a necessity for most able-bodied people!  Hands and fingers (and maybe even the occasional detachable shower head, particularly vibrate-y washing machine, or conveniently-shaped arm of your couch) can do really incredible things to our genitals.  And shit, some of us have even learned how to breathe our way to orgasm!

But, toys can always provide a little variety.  An option to try something new or different.  Explore NEW ways to get yourself off that you might not have tried before.  And hey!  Those new ways might blow your previous ways out of the water. 

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how better sex can improve your quality of life

This infamous and wise Marvin Gaye one said (slash crooned):

"And when I get that feeling, I want sexual healing.
Sexual healing, aw baby!  Makes me feel so fine, helps to relieve my mind.
Sexual healing baby, is good. for. me.  Sexual healing is something that's good for me."

And y'all, he was SPOT on!

There are so many documented, scientifically-researched and proven ways that having a rich, active, truly fulfilling sex life can positively impact physical, mental, emotional and social wellbeing.  Scroll through this handy dandy infographic for a peek at just SOME of the benefits of a satisfying sex life!

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3 sex mistakes you're probably making

I don't expect you to be a perfect lover.

Shit, I don't even expect myself to be a perfect lover (and sure hope the boo doesn't, either!).  

I actually believe that sex, in general, should be full of beautiful, marvelous, authentic imperfections.  Giggles and queefs and fumbles and memorable blunders.  Adorable clumsiness and genuine confusion.  Body fluids.  Accidents.  Unexpectedness.  

There are, however, a few general mistakes I see SO MANY people making that get in the way of truly incredible sex.  Mistakes that I'm not even the slightest bit surprised about - given how little we talk about sex, and how much misinformation exists out there.  

(and don't worry, I won't just tell you the mistake, I'll tell ya how to fix it, as well!)

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